(…continued from God of My Story, Part 5…)

Have you ever been hurt by people claiming to be Christians?  Have you ever thought the church to be hypocritical?  Have you ever scoffed at those people who claim to be so righteous but who seem to be just as bad as the rest of the world?   

Oh, yea, I’ve been there.  Sometimes even today, I still wonder and still encounter some very interesting people.  But I also remember that we are all still sinners. 

Romans 5:8 But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

We still mess up and have junk in our lives, but He can and does help us with that, for we are still growing in our relationship with Him.

But I learned the hard way about this and nearly walked away from it all, this precious new relationship, only days after surrendering my life to Him.

The following Sunday, after I prayed my first sincere prayer to Jesus Christ, I arrived at church eager and excited to share with my church (not just my place of employment any longer) of my news!  I headed to the organ to set up and to plan how I would play the service and L met me quietly in the hallway with a look of worry on her face.

Uh-oh.

“Tara,” she whispered, “something is going on this morning, just play the prelude and, I’m sorry, but you cannot ‘walk forward’ at the end of the service.”  (Traditionally, “walking forward” in some churches basically means getting up at the end of the service to publicly share with the church of your decision to accept Christ as your Savior, baptism follows at the next baptism service.)

I blinked.  “Ok.”  This wasn’t good.

As service time neared, I began the organ prelude and watched as the church members began filling the pews, then I watched, nervously, as the pastor’s entire immediate and extended family filed in and filled the front pew in front of my organ. 

My heart sank.

It brings tears to my eyes to even think about it and my heart hurts to dwell on it too much, so I’ll say it quickly.  After the prelude ended, I believe a deacon or the music minister stood up and said something then the pastor read his letter of leave of absence due to serious allegations of misconduct.  (No need to share details on a public blog.)

Tears filled my eyes.  The service ended mere minutes later and I was relieved to go home without having to play another note.  This was a well-loved church and pastor in the community.  I  loved them, too.  What…?  I drove home to my apartment in shock and sat in the silence and cried and just waited for my roommate, T, to come home from her church.  Thoughts battled in my mind…

These supposed Christians act like this?!  What hypocrites and liars!  Do you really want to be a part of them if this is what they do to each other?  This cannot be happening!  What do I do now, Lord?  I feel all alone.  Forget all of it, forget the decision you made and just move on – these Christians are all bogus anyways, just like the rest of the world!  What wants to be a part of them anyways?  Is this what the church is like?  Who needs church and religion…I could just do it on my own…no, just forget about it…

Just.  Hang.  On. 

T arrived home finally and cried with me and comforted me.  What a Godly woman she was to me.  God surrounded me, in His great wisdom, with so many who could walk me down a right path during a time that was causing me great doubt and conflict.

But it was not over yet.

Either that same Sunday or the following Sunday, the pastor of another church in town who had been at his church for over 20 years resigned after admitting to an affair.  Doubts fueled a new fire in my mind again.  Unbelievable.  In the weeks ahead, more would happen in the situation regarding my pastor at the church I attended and worked for.  A dear friend, N, would make time, even at personal cost to herself, to be sure I did not hear anything from hurtful sources, but would instead come to me quickly and privately to explain and pray with me and encourage me as I processed this especially in my new walk with Christ.

God had His Hand of protection on me always, helping me to grow and to trust, working through those around me.  One of my required classes for graduation was a Religion in Life class.  Our text book?  Henry Blackaby’s Experiencing God.  Wow, did I experience Him that term!  I learned a lot and saw lives changed through that class as well.  Dr. T was incredible.

Do you see?  I was right where God wanted me – in that college-I-had-rejected-but-now-loved.

I never spoke with or saw that pastor or his wife again, but they hold a special place in my heart.  I learned so much from them, more than words can quantify.  The following spring, when things settled down somewhat at church, I was able to publicly tell the church about the decision I had made that previous fall.  They rejoiced with me, and then I was baptized on Easter Sunday by an interim pastor at the evening service.  What a precious memory that is to me even to this day. 

Through these experiences, I learned that Christians are not perfect.  Oh, so imperfect.  But through it all my God is ever true and always faithful, never changing.  That I can trust.  And are there hypocrites?  Sure.  Because we try and we fail and we try again. 

Romans 7:15, 17 -20  For I do not understand my own actions… For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.  So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.  For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.

Hebrews 12:1  Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

And we keep trying, with the Holy Spirit’s help.  We are forgiven, loved, and have the Holy Spirit to help us grow.   The church is made up of people who have a relationship with Jesus Christ and Jesus Christ loves His church!  However, all the people in church are sinners, too,  messing up all the time – and that includes those hypocrites that we need to forgive, and then we can ask the Holy Spirit how to handle those relationships.  But do not let them keep you from church. 

Are you really going to let a few hypocrites and sinners, just like you and me, get in the way of an incredible life-changing and life-saving relationship with the One and Only, Jesus Christ?  Do not give them the credit they do not deserve and do not let them have that power over you.

But what about that one-god-over-all-religions thing?  What happened to that?  Being good?  And heaven?  Did I know for sure now?

Oh, yea…

…to be continued…