I subscribe to Today’s Christian Woman magazine and the most recent issue (January/February 2009) has an article by Margaret Feinberg entitled “God of Silence” that has burned an indelible impression on my mind.  The question the author asks is “How do we respond when He doesn’t answer our prayers?”

Of course, I had to ask myself, how do I respond when He doesn’t answer my prayers?  How have I responded in the past?

When someone you care for hurts or disappoints or saddens you, a natural, defensive response may be to establish lines or boundaries to prevent such hurts from happening again.   You touch a thorn, and you are apt to not want to grasp a rose stem again, yes?    If a prayer went unanswered, a heart was broken, then did you, mayhap subconciously, draw a line around praying such prayers again?  Did you make an unspoken promise to never pray a prayer like that anymore?  Did you draw a boundary with God, who loves you so much that He wants ALL of you, heart and soul and mind and strength?  Are you holding a part of yourself back?

I am asking myself these very questions and it brings me to a place of having to be painfully honest with my Savior, my God, the Lover of my soul.  

God, should I really pray that when I know you are going to do what is in Your will anyways?  Does it matter?  You didn’t do xyz for abc, so why should I bother praying this now?  You know I love you and trust you…so how about I’ll just trust you and let’s forget about the praying part, the stuff I just do not feel comfortable praying for…  

But Scripture says this, as the Holy Spirit reminded me this morning:

Philippians 4:6-7  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  [emphasis mine]

Everything.  Ok.

Oh, there are definitely the moments of pure joy and happiness and praise to God when prayer is answered, when I see God’s hand working in a situation, and for answered prayers that I was not even aware of.  My heart also continues to pray for requests that are ongoing, some for years even, and I earnestly wait and watch for God to work.  Why is it, then, that in this one area of prayer (I am purposely leaving the topic vague) that I struggle to pray fervently, continuously, often as requested and instead just “wait and see”?  Am I guarding my heart?  Did I draw that line?  

I think that I did.  But where I go from here, now that I have recognized an area where I am holding God at arm’s length?  How do I erase that line, or rather, let Him help me erase that line?   I want all areas of my heart open for prayer and relationship and communication.  

I suppose there is no better place than starting on my knees.

Is there an area(s) where you are holding God at arm’s length?  Did you draw a line with Him as a result of a perceived hurt or disappointment from unanswered prayer?

God Stuff