I hate being nervous.

Stomach churning.  Skin tingling.  Sweating.  Shaking.

That shaking part is really not handy when you are a musician, particularly a pianist whose ten fingers have to play lots of keys within a short time span – like seconds.  Shaking just is not conducive to such a goal, you know?

The nerve thing is probably a good reason why embarking upon a solo career was not a good option for me, in addition to the fact that I just have tons more fun playing with a group of people – band, ensemble, etc.  Basically, anything where if I make a mistake no one will notice.

Ah, insecurity.  Gotta love it.

It has its roots in pride, though, doesn’t it?  Will they think less of me for messing that up?  I want them to know I’m better than that mistake!  I’m good at this, aren’t I?  Is my hair messed up?  Am I making a funny face as I play?  How do I look when I play?  I should have practiced more – maybe years more.  There is no way I can do this.  Wow, look at all those people out there, are they looking at me?  I’d better smile.

Um, hello?  *knock, knock*  Pride?  Let’s get a reality check, thankyouverymuch, before you get out of control.

Even self-defacing comments can be rooted in pride as the focus is inward, albeit detrimentally so, but not upward on Christ and the woman that He created me to be…ME!  How about we go over these one by one?

• Will they think less of me for messing up? Short answer – no.  Long answer – if they do, who cares?  Focus on Christ, remember?  The worship service is about worship.  It’s not about me, or them, or their thoughts about me or them.

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.  -Galatians 1:10

• I want them to know I’m better than that mistake! Huge pride check here.  Is it really necessary for them to know anything?  It’s all about Christ…and again, it’s not about me.  This natural talent and supernatural gift came only from God above and the letters after my name mean nothing when I am face down at His feet and/or humbly serving by using these gifts beside my brothers and sisters in Christ on a worship team.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. -Galatians 2:20

• I’m good at this, aren’t I? Me?  Who, me?  I am weak, and He is strong.  That’s all I need to know.  How about some more Scripture?

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. -2 Corinthians 12:9

• Is my hair messed up?  Am I making a funny face as I play?  How do I look when I play? Am I seriously worried about this in the middle of worship?  Wow.  I really shouldn’t be.  To think less of myself would be to criticize Him and His creation, for He created me just as He wanted me to be.  How dare I?

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.  -Psalm 139:13-14

• I should have practiced more – maybe years more.  There is no way I can do this. Yes, there is a responsibility to practice, to be skilled at what I do.  And then I trust Him and the Holy Spirit to take the music from there, beyond me and my weakness and into His strength.

¹ Sing joyfully to the LORD, you righteous;
it is fitting for the upright to praise him.

² Praise the LORD with the harp;
make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre.

³ Sing to him a new song;
play skillfully, and shout for joy. -Psalm 33:1-3

• Wow, look at all those people out there, are they looking at me?  I’d better smile. Worship.  Him.  Only.  They are not looking at me, no matter what my fleshly mind or the enemy wants to discourage and distract me with.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. -Mark 12:30

It seems only appropriate to end with…

²⁶But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. ²⁷Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.  -John 14:26-27

God Stuff, Gulps