⁵ “Do not come any closer,” God said. “Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground.”  -Exodus 3:5

My sandals were starting to become uncomfortable.  I slipped them off and pushed them to the side with my toes, further under the keyboard stand.  As I rehearsed the worship set for Sunday with the rest of the band, I kept feeling the stage carpet against my left foot and the ice-cold metal sustain pedal on the bottom of my right foot.

It wasn’t unusual for me to play in rehearsal with no shoes on – I’d done it before.  You know, if the feet hurt, the shoes come off.  Our worship pastor had even asked if I usually played with my shoes off because he’d seen some who do that because of personal convictions.  I shook my head no, not me.

As I played through songs that praised Him for his holiness (a contemporary arrangement of Holy, Holy, Holy for one), I began to ask that question that plagues all mothers of toddlers and preschoolers, “Why?”

Why did God ask Moses to take of his sandals?

If God granted the knowledge for shoes to be created, then why take them off?

Did it have more to do with Moses’ heart?

Did God want a proverbial barrier removed between Himself and Moses?

I wanted a deeper “why.”  I’ve come to learn that everything about God and Scripture involves so many beautiful layers and intricacies that boggle the mind.  Surely there had to be more?

So I posted my question on Facebook – that great repository of friends with knowledge and wisdom who might be willing to think this through with me.  Here are some of the amazing responses:

That’s an interesting question, Tara. When I think about things like this I look at the overall context of the verse within the rest of the chapter. And, even more importantly in some cases, the culture and/or society at the time. My guess, though I don’t know this, is that this could be a cultural thing. In places considered holy by the Jews it’s possible that they took their shoes off. So in this case, I believe (sorry don’t have a Bible in front of me for the conplete context) Moses is approaching the burning bush but doesn’t yet know it is God. So God tells him to remove his shoes because this is a holy place. That would be the clue to Moses that this burning bush is God.  -KSB

I have never thought of this, Tara. I like thinking this way though. This is how the great theological minds learn and gain new understanding of God. Praise Him that He allows us to question Him.

I have always just assumed it was an outward show of respect, to remove the dirt of the unholy ground before standing in God’s presence.  -H.T.

Totally not related to my comment above exactly but may provide some more insite, when my great-grandfather was buried my mother was pregnant with my sister. Because he was Jewish and buried in a Jewish cemetary my mother was not allowed into the actual cemetary (she stood outside) because she was carrying new life. I don’t know the basis of this belief, but basically the Jews believed that new life should not be within a place where there is death (i.e. the cemetary). Not having been raised Jewish I’m not totally familiar with all the beliefs, I just know bits and pieces. -KSB

Tara, I’m down with your no-barrier thought, but also, I think that since the shoes wade through all the muck and garbage so our feet don’t have to, that by removing them, you’re removing the filth in the presence of God. So maybe it’s symbolic of not only removing a barrier, but also acknowledging that there should be no filth, or sin, in His presence. Removing the filthy part is an attempt, however pathetic as we can’t remove anything on our own without his Holy hand, to purify oneself before Him. I definitely get the ‘don’t come any closer part,’ though, because to see Him clearly would be to spontaneously combust in pure awe! Not a pleasant end to the day, I would guess. Or possibly the best ending of all to see God and then find yourself in Heaven because your body couldn’t handle it!  -D.S.S

OK Tara, went digging in my “Dictionary of Biblical Imagery” and found some neat tidbits: wearing shoes signified freedom therefore going barefoot was a sign of slavery or of being beholden to another. Also bare feet symbolize one’s inner state, serving as an image of spiritual poverty- another reference to slavery. The last reason listed is simply for reverence. The only two times God requires the removal of shoes are for Moses and for Joshua when he was confirmed as the “new’ Moses. Only priests with ceremoniously washed feet could enter God’s presence and the men were most likely wearing sandals made of animal skins which would be difficult to cleanse….for people on stage now I think it’s more the spiritual poverty thing- it also feels strange and will help you remember just exactly why you’re playing/singing. Does that help at all?  -J.C.C.

I forgot to type the fact that slaves were kept barefoot so as to limit their chance of survival if they ever did escape. So going barefoot on purpose would be a very meaningful symbol of your heart’s desire. -J.C.C.

My husband thinks Facebook can be socially destructive, but in this case it was fantastic!  Many more commented how the information touched them as well.  See, God can work through Facebook, too.

A couple of days later, I am reading Wild Goose Chase by Mark Batterson and this quote  nearly jumped out and bit me…

Go here to read part 2 of Shoeless…

I was driving towards my Bible study group meeting last night and the view in front of me was similar to this photo.   Except for the mountains.  And all the green.  And the scenic winding road.  My scene was a four-lane highway, random buildings, and flat.  Lots and lots of flatness.

So really the rainbow is the only similarity.

I am always, always amazed at rainbows.  What an incredible result of the sun shining through droplets of water in the atmosphere.   How some people think this happens by chance is beyond me.  God’s handiwork is everywhere.

For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse. -Romans 1:20

The rainbow I saw was a complete rainbow and it felt like I was going to drive straight through, almost as if under its protection – the protection of God’s promises.

I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life.  Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth. -Genesis 9:15-16

His sun, shining through the rain and the storm, to illuminate the sign of His promise to us.  His Son.  It always reminds that He is so faithful to me, even when I am perpetually not.  It reminds me that His promises will never fail.  It reminds that He is there on the stormy days to provide not only a light to show me the way, but an incredible manifestation of that light that only God could make.

Rainbows always bring me joy.

I have a distinct memory about a rainbow from high school, I believe.  I was at a gas station in a larger town near my home when someone pointed out to me the amazing double rainbow.  I passed on the word to someone else.  I noticed everyone at this large gas station/convenience was talking excitedly, with joy, about the amazing rainbow above us.

Then we all got in our cars and drove away.

For a moment, however, we shared the joy of colorful miracle of light on a stormy day, in awe at the work of God’s hands.  What a fraction of that ultimate joy we will have when we see Him again, with lights more amazing than rainbows even.  I, again, look forward to sharing that joy with others.

¹²I turned around to see the voice that was speaking to me. And when I turned I saw seven golden lampstands,¹³and among the lampstands was someone “like a son of man,”^[b]dressed in a robe reaching down to his feet and with a golden sash around his chest. ¹⁴His head and hair were white like wool, as white as snow, and his eyes were like blazing fire. ¹⁵His feet were like bronze glowing in a furnace, and his voice was like the sound of rushing waters. ¹⁶In his right hand he held seven stars, and out of his mouth came a sharp double-edged sword. His face was like the sun shining in all its brilliance.

¹⁷When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead. Then he placed his right hand on me and said: “Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last. ¹⁸I am the Living One; I was dead, and behold I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades. – Revelation 1:12-18

a three-word phrase divided into thirds and then expounded upon. . .

ONE MORE TIME

Oh, this one just makes me laugh!  I must say this phrase at least one-hundred and twenty-seven times a day.  Even as I type this, the kids are in the sandbox and not doing their best at listening to instructions.  The words coming out of my mouth are, “If I have to tell you one more time…”

Maybe my kids should write this post.

One

I am glad we didn’t have just one child.  After we had G, we debated having another child for about a year.  Our great fear was going through postpartum depression again.  It was awful, enough to scare you from doing a lot of things ever again.  Including having children.  Especially having more children.

One weekend, we finally decided we were done.  We just could not do it.  We were happy with our family of four:  Chris, myself, G, and our dog.  Yup, happy.  My friend, Mindy, had just found out she was pregnant so I packed up all my pregnancy stuff for her.  They were coming for dinner and I’d hand it all over.  It seemed like a momentous moment in life.  Really, just one?  All done?

We told Mindy and Shawn, laughingly, that we were done having kids, we were happy with one, and handed over all my pregnancy paraphenelia.  That was Saturday night.  I relieved.  The decision was made.

God laughed.  You see, never tell God your plans  Your plans.  He is sovereign.  I am so glad.

The very next morning as I was getting ready for church, I dimly realized my period (sorry, men) was pretty late.  Wait, were my breasts still hurting?  Huh?  Nooooo……    I fumbled under the bathroom sink for a pregnancy test (infertility helps you stock up on these things).  I had one left.

No three minutes necessary.  It was instantly positive.  I didn’t read the instructions only one time.  Nope, I read them a hundred times.  As if I hadn’t read them a hundred times before.  Sheesh.  My breath left me and I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

One more?  Really, Lord?  

I stumbled to the living room where Chris was entertaining G.  It was 6am.  ”Um, honey, I think I’m pregnant.”

“No way.  It’s got to be wrong.”

“Uh, nope, they aren’t typically wrong when they are positive.”

I still went to the 24-hour Walgreens and bought two more tests.  One more wasn’t enough.  I even bought the dummy-proof digital response that said “Yes” or “No.”  I didn’t trust myself to compare a plus or minus or circle or square or read directions a hundred times again.

Instantly positive.  Yup, we were having one more child.  One more pregnancy.  

I was terrified, excited, terrified, and in awe.  A surprise pregnancy after needing medical assistance to get pregnant the first time is quite an unusual feeling!  I didn’t feel so broken!

We are blessed beyond words to have our daughter S.  It wasn’t easy, but wow – her zest for life is contagious, her energy is enormous, and we are thrilled that God has better plans for us than we do.  

She is my one today.  

More

Nope, no more children.  In case you were wondering.  Snip, snip.  All done, with acknowledgment that God is the author of life and can even work past snip, snips.

Time

Time to grow.  I keep waiting for my kids to grow and for me to grow.  I keep thinking I’ll finally get something and I still need more time.  I’m so glad my God is so patient and faithful to me even when I am not.  I am glad for time, but time is also precious.  We don’t have as much time as we think we do.

To participate in Thursday Threesome, head on over to Wild Olive Shoot.  Fun stuff!

Fall 1998

Chris and I first met at Finley Park in downtown Columbia, SC.  That is the first place I saw his face.  It was a summer concert series.  I was friends with his roommate and was there with him.   (No, I was not dating the roommate – I was fresh off of a break-up).

February 1999

Later, I was at their place waiting on the roommate so we could go to a movie or something.  I had an opportunity to sit and chat with Chris while Josh was getting ready.  Chris was talking about his mother and sister and I could tell he loved them very much and would do anything to take care of them.

I remember thinking, “Wow, whoever he marries is going to be a lucky girl.”

For my bouquet, the women in our families each had a flower and my dad laid it in my arms on a ribbon, which was tied up, all to form my wedding bouquet.

It wasn’t long before we became fast friends.  He’ll tell you that he felt sorry for me.  Most of my friends had graduated the previous year and moved.  Likely story, but I’ll take it.  

Thanksgiving rolled around.  We had been hanging out for a couple of months at that point.  People would ask each of us, “Are you two dating?”  I’d say, “Oh, no, I’d never date someone like Chris, he’s just not my type – but we’re good friends!”

(It’s ok to laugh.  God has such a sense of humor.)

Chris would respond in a typical guy-fashion, “Nah.”

Mike (brother), Nancy (mom), Tara (me), Jeff (dad), Jenny (sister); I am wearing the very same veil my mom wore in her wedding, attached to a new headpiece. A friend sewed in 23 crystals - I was 23 years old when I married.

Back to Thanksgiving.  I drove home to Kentucky (God’s Country, in my book).

I missed Chris.  Oh, no, you don’t get it.  I missed him.  What was wrong with me?  I called him and we talked on the phone every night during Thanksgiving break for at least a couple of hours at a time.  (He doesn’t do that trick anymore.  Apparently, he only does phone tricks like that when trying to woo women.  Ha!)

I drove back to South Carolina to begin Operation: BoyfriendChris.  I couldn’t wait to see him.   I called him with every excuse I could.

“Can you come listen to my pieces before I have to play for jury?”

“What are you doing for dinner tonight?”  (Such a gentleman, he always paid!)

Amy (cousin), Lori (matron of honor), Jenny (sister/maid of honor), myself and Chris, Jason (cousin/ringbearer), Naomi (Chris's sister/best "woman"), Kevin (Naomi's husband, went home to Jesus 11/24/2002, our son is named for him), Mike (my brother)

We exchanged a flurry of emails.  He was so cute in them and signed them with roses that looked like this:

–<–<–@

(Why is it that romance like this has to be re-learned once the wedding band hits the finger?)

I still have all those emails.  I’m an electronic pack rat.

He would come get me and I would wait in anticipation for the deep rumble of his big white truck as it came around the corner.  We still have that truck.  Men aren’t sentimental about much, but don’t ask them to get rid of their big white trucks.

I’ll admit to a small amount of sentimentality for that truck, too.

(I could not find the pics of just Chris and his family at the wedding, my apologies! This will have to do.) My parents on the left, Jeff & Nancy, Chris and I, then Regina & Eugene. I always get tickled looking at how Regina has hold of Chris so tight in this pic and all the wedding pics. She loves her son!

After about a week of intense work to get him to notice that I liked him for morethanafriend because I’m too much of a chicken to be direct, he finally noticed.  I very nearly had to climb in his lap and kiss him.

Oh, wait, that’s just about what I did.

So that was the first week of December 1998.  By New Years Eve 1998, we had decided to get married.  I began planning the wedding without an “official” engagement.  

Super Bowl Sunday 1999.  Chris comes to visit me while I was monitoring rooms for a piano festival at the music school.  He was grinning like a cheshire cat, a certain ring burning a whole in his pocket.  We agreed he’d come to get me later that night so we could go to a Super Bowl party our church’s college ministry was hosting later that evening.

Apparently the ring burned right through his pocket and seered his leg.

He arrived at my apartment and here is how the proposal went.

Brace yourself.

Tissues ready?

He arrived and I was ready to go.  I turned out the lights to my bedroom and went to the door.  I greeted him, the same him who was grinning like a cheshire cat.  I realized I forgot my jacket and turned around to retrieve it from my now-darkened bedroom.  I picked it up off the chair or bed or something, and bumped into Chris.

“Oh!  Didn’t realize you followed me!”

“Here, I got something for you.”

He fishes the ring box out of his pocket.  Hands it to me and walks out.  

Whoa.  A ring!  We’re official!

But wait…

Isn’t a question supposed to accompany said ring?

I love him anyways.  I made him “ask” me in the truck, even though we were already “engaged.”  Some people thought we were crazy because we’d only been dating for a couple of months (little did they know we’d decided to get married a month previous!).   I say to that, ten years later, we’re still having a blast, we love being married and we look forward to a whole lot more.   Prescribed times for dating and/or engagements work for some, but not for us.  The question that came to our minds?

Why wait?

Thorncrown Chapel, near Eureka Springs, Arkansas where we spent our honeymoon. One of the most amazing chapels I have ever seen in my life. It was so beautiful and peaceful.

We were married four months after that “official” engagement on May 22, 1999.   Five months after the “unofficial engagement.”  Six months after we started dating. (Yes, we only dated a month before we were engaged to be married.) About eight months after we met.  

May 22, 2009 

Chris and I, taken in January 2009

(…continued from God of My Story, Part 6…)

So how do I move from believing there was one all-encompassing god to only One Way and One God?  What changed?  What happened?  You may be wondering and I’ll try my best to explain what the Holy Spirit did to my heart.

My God, the One True God, had changed my mind, my heart and my soul.   I no longer believed there was one god over all religions and belief systems of the world. 

John 14:6  Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me…”

I no longer believed you just had to be “good” to get to heaven.  I had learned, observed, and finally began to experience that relationship with Christ that cannot be found in the things of this world:  friends, the opposite sex, money, busy-ness, drugs, nature (when idolized as a god), jobs, media and Hollywood, etc.  

Romans 5:10-11 For since our friendship with God was restored by the death of his Son while we were still his enemies, we will certainly be saved through the life of his Son.  So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God.

That hole in my heart had been filled.  That elusive thing I had been trying to put my finger was now firmly in my grasp.  This relationship could not be found in that sweat lodge.  There was not enough steam in the world that could cleanse me of any wrong-doing nor bring me any closer to the one Holy God.   There was not enough ceremony or “good things” I could do to bring me closer to Him either.  He was too Holy and I – too broken and dirty.  In fact, my efforts to even get closer to Him like that – prideful! 

Romans 11:6 And since it is through God’s kindness, then it is not by their good works. For in that case, God’s grace would not be what it really is—free and undeserved.

The stunning beauty of it all is that I came to the realization that what God’s Word said was so true – it was lived out in front of me in so many people.  I had seen Him change lives!  What better evidence could there be!  And if all those things were true and real, I had to either accept all of it or none of it.  His Word said that, His voice whispered it in my heart, that He loved me so much that in order to make me good enough to be in His presence in Heaven – because nothing I could ever do would – He had to do something extraordinary to make it happen.  And He wanted and strongly desired a relationship with me.  Was this all true?  

John 3:16-20 “For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him. There is no judgment against anyone who believes in him. But anyone who does not believe in him has already been judged for not believing in God’s one and only Son. And the judgment is based on this fact: God’s light came into the world, but people loved the darkness more than the light, for their actions were evil. All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed.”

Titus 2:14 He gave his life to free us from every kind of sin, to cleanse us, and to make us his very own people, totally committed to doing good deeds.

 He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, as the ultimate sacrifice at an “altar” to wash the yuck away, far away from me, to make me perfect in God’s eyes so that I could enjoy being in His most perfect, Holy and Pure Presence and to enjoy a relationship with God my Father, Jesus Christ His Son, and the Holy Spirit.

As I stated in the last post, I learned quickly that Christians are not perfect.  I had expected them to be.  I had seen hurt come from Christians.  I had been hurt by Christians.  We are not perfect.  We sinned.  We continue to sin – to mess up – in small ways and in big ways.  The relief that floods my heart is that Jesus Christ has forgiven me, effectively forgotten my sins, and just like He forgives me and continues to do so, I always forgive others on a daily basis.  When I mess up royally, and its often, I repent – I acknowledge I messed up, I ask for forgiveness, and I commit to doing better and the Holy Spirit in me helps and teaches me.  Imagine a marriage relationship – you mess up, your spouse is angry, you ask for forgivenes and an opportunity to do better.  And through the years you both grow in your relationship.  But imagine this on an unimaginable scale – that is how it is with God. 

The standards I live by?  How do I be “good” now?  The Bible, God’s Word, and the Holy Spirit guide me.  I do not expect those in the world who are not in a relationship with Jesus Christ to follow those standards and to understand why my convictions are so strong, because I know they do not have the Holy Spirit in them as I do.  So what about my efforts and beliefs about “being good” before?  Isn’t that still enough to get into heaven? 

I’m so sorry, but no.  God is a Holy and Pure and Sinless God.  To be in His Presence requires purity.  Could you ever get yourself clean enough?  Pure enough?  Could you ever act absolutely perfect?  To even begin to think you could is, quite bluntly, prideful – godlike, even?  Good does not equal perfect no matter how hard you try.  One more step is required – the act of a mediator, a sacrfice and a cleansing to remove all the impurities from your heart, your soul and your hands so that you can now no longer be separated from God.  Jesus Christ is that mediator, that bridge between the sinners and a most Holy God.

Good is not good enough.  Jesus Christ is Perfect and the Perfect Answer.  And He is my best friend.

And Heaven.  Oh my… I.  Can’t.  Wait.  And I do know for sure because I have a quiet confidence, a peace, a joy, excitement and the promise of Scripture – God’s Word.  See John 3:16 above.  We are promised eternal life when we put our trust in Him. 

I am thrilled that He was patient with me, protected me, guided me, even to places I did not think I wanted to go.  He let me argue, observe, and wait until the last possible moment.  But He never left me and He held me in His Hands when I thought it was all a hoax mere days later.  That is the One True God.  I cannot wait to be in His Presence in Heaven.

I hope to see you there, with all my heart.

*The God of My Story never ends, as my life with Him and my testimony never ends.  But for now, this is enough.  I’ll add more later.  To see how God worked in our lives during my journey through postpartum depression, please see the tab/page link above for more information.